Archive | 21:41

The Furry Face Of Evil!

10 Mar

Pastel sketch: Sparta the kitten.


Sparta Puss here. I’ve snuck onto the computing box while no-one’s looking. I’m a feline goddess and I share my life with another feline goddess called Ming The Merciless and two fur-less monkeys who serve us. The monkeys are strange creatures but quite entertaining. Do you know, they clean themselves by immersing themselves in a tub of ….. WATER! Yes. Can you believe that? I pace around the edge of the tub shouting at them ‘Get out you idiot. You don’t clean yourself like that.’ They laugh and flick bubbles at me. Damn cheek. I try to show them how to clean themselves by washing on top of them while they’re in bed, but they don’t get it. I’ve even tried licking them myself, but they taste of ……MONKEYS! Quite horrible. I tried licking a dog once. It tasted of …… DOG. Also quite horrible.

Anyway, the fur-less she-monkey wastes a lot of her time smudging paper with bits of coloured earth instead of doing something sensible like sleeping for 22 hours.  I sort of recognise the smudges she makes. They look a bit like me. The monkeys tell their monkey friends that I have very beautiful markings and then they all do their excited monkey chattering over me and smooth me. I approve of this. Apparently the markings on my forehead look like an evil Death Head Mask. I have no idea what that is.  It’s Spring here in Wales and the mice families are out and about and I’ve caught two mice over the last two evenings and brought them in and thrown them onto the big pretty floor cushions the monkeys put on the floor for Ming and me, so we don’t have to tire ourselves out jumping onto their comfortable vintage furniture. They don’t half screech and chatter and run around when they see a mouse. HAHAHAHAHAHAAH. Such good sport.  Then they catch the mice and put them outside. What a waste of a perfectly good mouse. Don’t they realise how good mice taste? Unlike monkeys……………

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