Archive | 21:00

Apes And The Psychokitteh

6 Jan

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Greetings, Monkeys. Sparta Puss here. I have control of the pooter box while the hairless apes are chillaxin’. I’ve been hearing a lot about a dog called Pavlov who trained his fur-less monkeys to give him food whenever he pressed a lever. Not bad going for a dog, but a bit too complicated, I think. I’ve trained the brainless apes just by raising my left paw. The she-monkey is the most affected; she makes strange noises like “squeeeee” and gives me a bowl of milk. Result! The he-monkey is a harder nut to crack, so I have to do the saucer-eyes as well as the paw-in-the-air. Then I get my ears and head scratched. That’ll do nicely.

I’ve been on a roll this week and brought in two quite large rats. I dumped them on the floor in the living room. The he-monkey was out both times and the idiot she-ape ran around the place squealing and waving her arms. Oh, how I laughed. What’s all the fuss about? They were dead! Too big to keep alive for some sport – rats that size can be dangerous so I despatched them quickly and dragged them in through both cat flaps, through the house and gave them to her. hehehehehehe.

So she’s storming around the house accusing me of being a psychopath – whatever that is- and berating herself for not being a proper feminist because she’s waiting for the he-monkey to come home to dispose of the rats! Which he does – in the compost bin. Why don’t they eat them? They taste good, with a spot of that nice custard I steal off the table when the monkeys are not looking. 😀

That’s me above BTW. The she-ape’s been daubing with some dirt-in-a-stick again.

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