Apes And The Psychokitteh

6 Jan


Greetings, Monkeys. Sparta Puss here. I have control of the pooter box while the hairless apes are chillaxin’. I’ve been hearing a lot about a dog called Pavlov who trained his fur-less monkeys to give him food whenever he pressed a lever. Not bad going for a dog, but a bit too complicated, I think. I’ve trained the brainless apes just by raising my left paw. The she-monkey is the most affected; she makes strange noises like “squeeeee” and gives me a bowl of milk. Result! The he-monkey is a harder nut to crack, so I have to do the saucer-eyes as well as the paw-in-the-air. Then I get my ears and head scratched. That’ll do nicely.

I’ve been on a roll this week and brought in two quite large rats. I dumped them on the floor in the living room. The he-monkey was out both times and the idiot she-ape ran around the place squealing and waving her arms. Oh, how I laughed. What’s all the fuss about? They were dead! Too big to keep alive for some sport – rats that size can be dangerous so I despatched them quickly and dragged them in through both cat flaps, through the house and gave them to her. hehehehehehe.

So she’s storming around the house accusing me of being a psychopath – whatever that is- and berating herself for not being a proper feminist because she’s waiting for the he-monkey to come home to dispose of the rats! Which he does – in the compost bin. Why don’t they eat them? They taste good, with a spot of that nice custard I steal off the table when the monkeys are not looking. 😀

That’s me above BTW. The she-ape’s been daubing with some dirt-in-a-stick again.

10 Responses to “Apes And The Psychokitteh”

  1. Nancy Farmer January 8, 2013 at 03:06 #

    Ha Ha Ha! Ginger Arthur would like to give a paws-up to Sparta Puss, and is making a note to request custard the next time he brings in a plump tasty-crunchable.

    (‘Tasty-crunchable’: otherwise known as Rat, to you and me. Also applies to smaller rodents but rats are the tasty-crunchables of Arthur’s choice, too.)

    • Rosie Scribblah January 9, 2013 at 08:12 #

      ewwwwww! How can creatures so sweet and fluffy and cuddly be such a psycho?!

    • Nancy Farmer January 9, 2013 at 09:04 #

      I know, but he loves his Mummy 😉

      Can’t really mind the dead rats, myself – would rather have dead ones in the compost than live ones in the chicken run AND the loft… which we used to have before Ginger psycho ate them!

      • Rosie Scribblah January 9, 2013 at 09:32 #

        I must admit, these large dead ones are an improvement on the smaller, lively ones she kept bringing in during the summer for me….

  2. Helen Cherry January 8, 2013 at 01:18 #

    haha.. now I get your comment on my post Rosie.. this is GREAT !

  3. ziggyshortcrust January 7, 2013 at 00:16 #

    Fabulous Sparta. Rats with custard? You should start your own blog….I’d follow you 😉

    • Rosie Scribblah January 7, 2013 at 08:39 #

      Don’t encourage her – she’s pretty much impossible to live with as it is. The phrase prima donna was invented for her. 😉

  4. Tin Roof Press January 6, 2013 at 22:35 #

    thats totally plausible

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