Tag Archives: Samuel Johnson

A Very Fine Cat Indeed

7 Nov

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Greetings hairless apes. Sparta Puss here. My bald monkeys haven’t let me near the pooter box for a while and to be honest I’ve been too busy sleeping anyway. It’s Winter. It’s the only thing to do until Spring and the new season’s rats come a calling. My moronic monkeys have been keeping me and my fellow feline goddess, Ming The Merciless, curfewed because of the big bangs happening every night. Something to do with an ape who tried to blow up a building a long time ago.

 

It’s a damned infringement of my liberty and I’m very dissatisfied with them.  I’ve heard that some bald apes are much nicer to their kitties. There was one cat called Hodge whose domestic chimp actually made a famous quote about him. And what does my monkey do? Scribble. That’s right. Scribble on her tiny pooter box. Useless gibbon. I demand a quote. Nothing less!

A Very Fine Cat Indeed!

31 Mar

Ink sketch: Sparta the cat.

Greetings, fur-less monkeys. I, SpartaPuss, have taken control of the Pooterbox again. I’ve been observing my world today from my vantage point on top of my boiler in my kitchen. It overlooks my garden and that’s what every feline goddess needs of course, a boiler with a view. I was happily dozing when the fur-less she-monkey started messing around with a pen and a paper book like she does. Poor soul. Still, stops her from hanging round on street corners. Which is apparently a bad thing. For a monkey. She wanted to draw my portrait so I gave her several arch looks, then turned away, which got her very excitable and she got the he-monkey to try and get my attention so she could draw the ‘death head mask’ on my face – allegedly! So I threw her a few more arch looks. Which seemed to satisfy her and she settled down for a bit. I like it when the monkeys are quiet.

In my garden is my favourite tree. I know it’s unusual for a feline to be interested in botany – nothing edible in that particular kingdom – but my tree is covered in frothy stuff the monkeys call flowers. Not very interesting in themselves but in a few months they’ll turn into little round sweet things that are very appealing to the meals-on-wings [blackbirds the monkeys call them]. It’s very exciting. The tree is packed with the meals-on-wings scoffing away and Ming-The-Merciless and I just sit under it with our mouths open waiting for them to fly in. Very entertaining. It’s even funnier when the fur-less monkeys spot us and run around chattering and screeching like they do. They don’t like us eating the meals-on-wings. They are very stupid.

Once upon a time a very well-educated fur-less monkey called Samuel Johnson coined the phrase, “a very fine cat indeed” about his cat, Hodge. He could have been talking about me.

 

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